Approximately 18 women sit in my chair a week for 2 hours at a time. On average 3 of them are in tears at some point! No, not because I gave them a hack job! Because they are venting to me about how unhappily married they are or complaining about their relationship. This is Not a good ratio.

It’s a given that at some point we will all end up in the wrong relationship. Dating the wrong person and maybe even marrying them. We get swept up in the sea of fun and drug out into the cold dark ocean. Drowning in the loneliness, that is being with the wrong life partner.

In my experience this is a direct result of the “love is hard work” theory. We hear it EVERYDAY. Or at least I do. But remember I live, eat and breathe estrogen. 18 women under one work roof and the other 6 or so that sit in my chair and pour their hearts out.

If we are not working with the very obvious square peg, round hole idea, meaning you have zero in common and find zero joy in being with this person. There can be a lot of confusion trying to decipher if your spouse is the one for you. Especially if there are no major Red flags.  Obviously there  will always to be conflict. However, unending “work” to just feel ok about your situation is not worth it.

Side note: I was married to the wrong person.. Great guy. Amazing dad. My best friend. We were young and got swept up in that damn sea of fun. We were not right for each other when it came down to the brass tacks. I became that awful nagging wife trying to change him. He checked out. We both were miserable. No red flags, no infidelity, nothing that was horrifying. Just beating a dead horse. We are now better friends than we ever were and Eric and him are very close friends. They actually have weekly dinners without me when I work late. It’s a win for us all. 

 

Too much “Work” usually means not a lot of reward. I think the word work when it comes to relationships has a very negative connotation . I really believe that it is meant to be the exact opposite. Positive work. Romance, sex, dating your spouse, etc.

If you are kid free and dating, this should be no problem. Making time for the “work”  when there are kids, jobs, and homes to maintain can be a bit of a balancing act/task. BUT if I can do it with 3 kids and 2 businesses, SO CAN YOU. It is time to prioritize if you want that “easy” relationship.

A relationship worth working for in my opinion is when you can say  1. I am treated like I know I should be.  2. My needs are being met.  3. I Am not compromising my morals or values.

A few relationship pointers that have been game changing for me:

1. Be Vulnerable–  I know this is not always fun, but it let’s your spouse know things about you that may be effecting you and the way you relate on things.
2. Shut up– Stop and listen. This is my #1 work in progress. My delivery is quick and sucks. I am learning to slow my response and soften my tone. MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE
3. Fight with a resolution–  Go ahead and have a knock down drag out, just make sure it gets RESOLVED at that time.
4. Be OK with imperfect- The type A person in me fights this. but we all have flaws. Be accepting of your spouse and their imperfections. If you cant accept it, move on.
5. DATE your spouse– This is THE MOST IMPORTANT! Don’t make excuses. Make it happen. Once a week. Sans kids. Eric and I have had dates where one of us picks the place and what the other eats and drinks. It is fun and switches it up.
   

   Wine tasting dates

   

   Dress up dates

   

   1 week post baby dates

   

   Concert dates

   

   Brunch dates

   

   Day drinking dates

   

   Baseball game dates
6. Fun-  Have fun with your person. Try something they like to do. You may end up liking it.
7. Never talk bad about your guy- Talk to a therapist or talk to your husband but do not  bash your spouse when you’re out with your girls or on social media. You can never take it back once it’s said. You will be fine 24 hours later and your friends will not.
8. SEX SEX SEX I know this can be daunting for some of you. You’re too tired, kids are home, you don’t feel good, dishes to do, haven’t showered, blah blah blah! NEWSFLASH! He does not care. Your husband NEEDS this and so do you(you just don’t know it yet) . Huge stress reliever and connects you in a way you aren’t connected with anyone else. It is the ONE THING you have with your spouse that you don’t have with any other person. Again, no excuses. Learn to like it. Fake it. I don’t care if you have to schedule it. Set a sex goal and Just do it.
9. Do not get complacent-  Write a sweet note, send a text, buy lingerie(and wear it) Do something different.

A lot of this we have all heard a million times. Yet I hear the same sad stories everyday.

 YOU deserve to spend your life with the right person. YOU deserve to be happy(so does your spouse) Stop making excuses. Stop wasting time.

 

HAPPY MONDAY! THANKS FOR READING!

♥Keila Nicole♥