A conversation with my toddler prompted this post today.

Him and I were snuggled up this morning talking about what we dreamt about last night. This is our morning routine everyday. Today I asked him who his best friend was and he responded with “Bro Bro” followed with “Daddy is your best friend!” And then I said “who is daddy’s best friend?” He responded with “Justin“…….

Justin is my EX husband. He is the father of my oldest child. And he is now one of mine and my husband Erics closest friends.

Most often I hear :

1. Does Eric actually like him?

2. Do you actually like him or are you doing this for London?

3. Why is he always with you guys?

4. Wow! That must be really hard.

5. Is it hard for Eric?

6. Can’t believe you guys co parent so well?

7. Didn’t know it was possible like that.

8. Is it fake?

9. Does he still want to be with you?

10. Is it forced?

LISTEN UP.

For EVERY divorced or split relationship post having children,this is for you. You know who you are; you name call, argue over who’s doing more for the child, tit for tat, Talk bad about the other spouse,threaten the other parent, AND use your child as a weapon. I know who you are because for a very small window of time I was you. I hated being you. My child suffered because I was you. Stop it.

(Of course there is an exception. If you or your child dealt with abuse in any way I am not saying buddy up with your abuser, or put yourself or child in harms way)

Beyond that, THERE IS NO REASON EVER that your child should ever be made to choose between you and their other parent. (don’t shake your head at me) I know, I know…”She cheated” “He didn’t defend me to his mom” “She left me” “He wasn’t around in the beginning”……. You have to move on. You have to get over it.

WHY?

Because YOU had a child with them. Your child did not choose this as his or her family. You CHOSE for them.

I know my circumstance seems to be on the far end of the spectrum but literally I am telling you that it has not always been this awesome. It took ALOT from all of us, Eric especially in the beginning to create this friendship that is now my family.

Eric and I had been dating for a few months, of course he wasn’t good enough for me or London in Justins eyes. There was a lot of shit flying. Literally one day Eric just sent him a message without me knowing and they ended up having a conversation on the phone, that led to Justin going to Eric’s place of business to shake his hand and introduce himself.

HELLO. Can we say swallowing our pride? I am sure this was not easy for either man. Thank god they were both MEN about this situation. Both recognized the importance for London for them to be respectful of each other.

Since then, Eric and I have had two more kiddos and our middle little one loves Justin some days more than me. We have gone on vacations together, We spend holidays together, Justin did the build out on our business,  We all 3 go to school conferences together, Justin was the person in our will to get our son before the 3rd was born, and him and Eric have dinner with the kids every Wednesday while I work late.

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So to answer your question, Yes Eric  ACTUALLY likes him. Yes I ACTUALLY like him. He is with us because we are family tied by one lucky little boy. No it is not hard. No it is not fake, No he doesn’t want to be with me. (you can read here about that.)

As far as number 10 goes…. Is it forced?  The answer is Yes it was and No it is not anymore. There comes a time when we HAVE to do things we don’t want to do, for the sake of the ones we love. Obviously none of us woke up one day and said “I WANT to go hang out with my ex husband/wife/wifes ex husband” BUT we all knew it was what had to happen to give OUR son the best and easiest life he can have. After all he did not choose this life. WE CHOSE IT FOR HIM.  It is no longer forced. I asked Eric tonight to give me his perspective and he said “It was forced at one time and from that came a true friendship, I trust Justin as much as my family with our children and I love him like a best friend”(I have heard these 2 grown men say that when leaving dinners “I love you brother”)

I know we are a lot to take in!  We show up at events like the damn modern day Brady Bunch. 2 dads, a m0m and 3 kiddos. Cash calls Justin Uncle, London calls Justin Dad, I call Eric babe, the boys call me mom and everyone looks at us like we are crazy.  Maybe we are. But if my son being happy and me having someone in my life that’s been my friend above all else (yes, even a failed marriage) makes me or us CRAZY then so be it.

For all the Justin’s and Eric’s out there, I commend you for being the MEN it takes to raise little men and women.

For the People who think this is a crock, I say choose Love. Your child’s family doesn’t end because your marriage did. You are forever tied to this person whether you like it or not. If you choose hate over love you are telling you child their happiness is NOT most important. I know that for a fact that is not the truth.  I challenge you today to make the effort. People can and do change.  You never know, you might just like them!

 

Until next time! Thanks for following!

♥Keila Nicole♥