Hey guys! Sorry for the delay between posts! We have been running ragged with the kick off of the holiday season! But I am back! 

There has been something stirring in me for a while, that I have not been able to shake . I am writing this from my perspective and strictly based off of my own life experience. I know it can be controversial but I have to be honest.

I got a message last week and it has prompted this blog:

First off let me remind you, I was an entrepreneur single mom when I met my husband. Looking at me and watching my life play out you would think I was full blasted part of and in support of the modern day feminist movement.  However, It is really the polar opposite. While I am a die hard supporter of the second wave, focused on the workplace, sexuality, family and reproductive rights(to a degree).  I have a very hard time with today’s culture when it comes to dating and men in general. How is it that these women can have a lengthy checklist of what a man has to have but aren’t willing to accept gender roles?

I’m all for gender equality in my marriage. Eric and I have a partnership yet have many differences.  Those man and woman differences are the reasons why in the beginning stages of dating, it would behoove you to let a guy take the lead.

Pre my husband, I thought that gender differences didn’t matter in relationships or in my first marriage.  I always made the first moves, asking guys out, and taking the lead/being bossy in my marriage.  I wound up disappointed, heartbroken and alone.  That was until I changed my approach to dating and let my husband now take the lead.

Working with and listening to women day in and day out about their dating lives, I have figured out a few things.

1. Women have a lengthy check list of  “must haves and must do’s.”

2. Women have a plan of how they think their future must play out.

3. Women don’t want to lose control.

 4. Women are not willing to allow a man to be a man.

Uhhhhhhh hello!? MAN MUST: HAVE A GREAT JOB, NICE CAR, BUY ME FLOWERS, PAY THE TAB,  TAKE CARE OF ME, AND COMPLIMENT ME.  BUT don’t reach for the tab too quickly, let me reach for it first, then you pay it. Don’t actually take care of me because I can take care of myself.  I don’t actually NEED you. I just need you to date me and don’t you dare open a door for me, or do…..But just know I CAN do it myself.

WOW! Talk about mixed messages.

SO MANY RULES. Why not let it happen organically? Meet a MAN and let him be a MAN.

side note: When I met my husband my guard was up and he worked hard to break it down. Persistence like I had never experienced. He said all the right things and treated me like a queen(still does) But he didn’t meet my “checklist” completely so he had some work to do. Luckily for me he was not put off by my hesitation and stayed true to the man he was. He brought me flowers on our first date, complimented me constantly, opened my doors, and paid our tabs . When he finally broke down my wall and I let it happen naturally I fell hard for him and never looked back. We have very non traditional career roles, (he actually stayed home with our middle kiddo for a year while I worked.) However we have pretty traditional roles in our home and I LOVE that my man is the leader in our household.

While I can appreciate being a strong woman, I am so over “I am woman here me roar!” Good grief. Take a breath women, we are doing fine. Let’s put our man hating aside for a bit and let these men be who they are by nature. Of course I am not talking about the jerks and bad men. I am talking about the men that tell us we looked nice today, who mean well but sometimes say stupid things, and god forbid the men that pursue us.

A few things I learned(the hard way):

1. Let Him Initiate Contact-NO MATTER how much you like a guy, do not chase him down for conversation, a date, or anything. I’m not saying you should play games. But you should let him contact you first. Let him take the lead, let him initiate the contact, and him be the man.

2.Women love to be wined and dined AKA courted-  It is such a romantic and fun part of a relationship. It builds the foundation, communication and respect because you feel secure and cherished. You are allowing him to take the lead without the sex and physical part. If he isn’t interested in courting you, he isn’t interested in you.

3. Let dating a man that takes the lead make you vulnerable- Being with an alpha male, when you have been an alpha female is a hard pill to swallow. Let your guard down, be vulnerable and embrace it.

 To you good men who have gotten a bad name from the screwballs. There are plenty of women that appreciate your ambition and competitive nature. We love your willingness and want to take care of your family. MY world is a better place because of you. Keep up the good work. We see you.

Women it is okay to Love a good man and let him be just that…..A MAN!

 

HAPPY MONDAY! THANKS FOR FOLLOWING!

♥Keila Nicole♥